The Journey

I Had Childhood Bibliotherapy - How About You?

I had childhood bibliotherapy, and I just found out about it. Bibliotherapy, feel good with a book, books as therapy, therapeutic books, reading for health, self care and books. www.circleofdaydreams.com

A while back, I was browsing on The School Of Life website (great stuff over there, thank you again Alain de Botton) and I was introduced to the world of Bibliotherapy.

Now, I'd always felt, for as long as I can remember, that the books of my childhood had a deep effect on me. That, they had in fact, been a fair sized part of shaping my thoughts and growth.

And, I now know, there's a name for this!

Bibliotherapy.

This can be defined as an expressive therapy that involves storytelling or the reading of specific texts with the purpose of healing. It uses an individual's relationship to the content of books and poetry and other written words as therapy.

The most memorable books of my childhood are the ones listed below. Many of them still have pride of place on my bookshelf 40 years later. They are laden with nostalgia and intense feelings of connection still.

  • The entire Dark is Rising series by Susan Cooper

  • The entire Narnia series by C.S. Lewis

  • The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

  • The Lord of The Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien

  • The Little White Horse by Elizabeth Goudge

  • The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

  • The Weirdstone of Brisingamen by Alan Garner

  • The Three Investigators books by Robert Arthur

  • The Hardy Boys books by Franklin W. Dixon

  • The Secret Seven books by Enid Blyton

  • The Hill of The Red Fox by Allan Campbell McLean

  • A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L'Engle

  • The Pale Invaders by G. R. Kesteven

As I got a little older and moved into my teens, Where Late The Sweet Birds Sang, The Outsiders, My Side of The Mountain, 1984, and various others came in to play.

Most featured magic, mystery and mayhem... adventure and curious minds. These are still part of my world today. I love a good mystery, and hunt for the magic in my everyday moments.

Many featured girls as strong, courageous and capable characters who could do brave and wondrous things! And, when they didn't, and the focus was on boys, I remember thinking 'I could do that!'

They all featured compassion, mate-ship, collaboration, persistence, commitment and open mindedness in various ways. Different personalities, looks, and ways of 'being' were all celebrated. Girls were also shown as independent entities who could set boundaries and speak their minds.

Whenever I was feeling down and out, the familiar characters in my books were there to guide the way and shine a light on possibilities.

I'm very attracted to this idea of finding a book with circumstances similar to my own to see how the characters deal with it. Finding solace or possible solutions as I read and devour the stories of others in similar situations makes sense to me. A way of reaching out and pushing for emotional growth with time to ponder and process for myself.

As an adult I've continued to find solace and camaraderie in the books I've read. I even refer to my books as my always available friends.... ever in reach, never too busy, always up for a visit. Any time I need to soothe myself or remind myself I'm not the only one these things happen to, one of my much loved books will be there to tend the wound.

Skimming a paragraph, reading a poem, beginning again from the start, dipping in and out.... the ways of 'meeting' with my 'friends' are many.

Often a series of books, again usually fantasy (as they mainly were in my childhood), provide me with characters going through all manner of trials and tribulations I can relate to. All of Raymond E. Feist's books strike a deep chord with me... I feel like I'm entwined with the character's lives. I can sink into their world for vast passages of time, and come out feeling renewed, strangely understood and invigorated. One of the characters even provided me with a much loved saying I've used often over the years (and still do). It's an integral part of my self care tools and visualisations.

Phil Rickman's books (of which I own a stack) and Robert Goddard's books (another large collection) are also reliable mentors and counselors no matter which ones I pick up. They always have something to 'teach' me.

And, of course, there's this book and the series it belongs to.... such a strong connection and valuable insight.

In the middle of the night, after a hard day, during times of immense emotion or sadness.... there they are.

It's possible that as an introvert, and an INFJ on the Myers Briggs, this type of 'therapy' is eminently more suited to me than it may be to some others, but no matter your 'type', if you're a reader, I think it's a beautifully simple way to boost your self care and growth.

Do you have any books that have helped you through a hard or weird time?

Does 'bibliotherapy' make sense to you like it does to me?

Linda. xox




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Daydream Deliveries + The Garden of Gratitude...


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The Privilege of This Life...

From one of my favourite quoticians (I just made that word up to represent people who write lots of amazing and inspiring quotes), comes these wise words...

The privilege of this life is being who you really are. Joseph Campbell. Circle of Daydreams. www.circleofdaydreams.com

Doesn't it follow then, that you owe it to yourself to let the real you shine out whenever, and wherever possible?

To decorate your rooms as a celebration of who you are and all that you love?

To feel free within your own home, to feel grateful for the person you are, and run rampant expressing your innermost joy and heartfelt emotions as you wish?

To validate the person you are by paying homage to the privilege of being YOU?

To express yourself in your dress and style they way you really want to?

To use your talents and gifts in a manner that respects their value and your worthiness?

To listen to your innermost whispers and trust your intuition?

What's holding you back?

Anything?

Linda. xox




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Daydream Deliveries + The Garden of Gratitude...


If you'd like a beautiful print, insights, and an encouraging nudge towards your dreams once a month (or so), take action and sign up for my Daydream Deliveries. Free access to The Garden of Gratitude is also yours as soon as you subscribe. It's a secret oasis with over 30 resources/printables that support the development of a successful gratitude practice.

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My Life Depicted In A Circular Diagram! 5 Ways I Keep Evolving As A Human Being

There are some things in my life I make sure to do over and over,  because after 51 years on this planet, over 20 different homes, several testing (to put it mildly) long term relationships, 30 years working full time in a stress loaded and fast paced profession, and a battle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, these are the things I've found keep me sane, whole, and happier than anything else.

My life depicted as a circular diagram. 5 ways I keep evolving as a human being. An article brimming with beautiful ideas for creating a life you love. Circle of Daydreams. www.circleofdaydreams.com

I've spent 100s upon 100s of hours reading self help books, trying self improvement programs, seeking professional help for trauma and stress as needed, and trialing what works for me.

These are the tried and true heroes I keep coming back to again and again.

With the help of these 5 life touch-stones, my self awareness and capacity for joy keep growing.

Create a life you life by including these 5 things. Gratitude, self care, reaching for the real you, taking action, giving back. Circle of Daydreams. www.circleofdaydreams.com

A DAILY GRATITUDE PRACTICE:

Beginning a daily gratitude practice has been one of the most satisfying and life changing things I've done.

There have been times in the past when I've felt hard done by, let down, and overlooked. Life can deal you a bum hand at any time, and it's super easy to let yourself feel defeated and miserable due to this inherent unfairness. I learned early on that life can be like this, but my response used to be getting upset and wallowing in a bit of victim mentality.

'Why me?' is a question that's echoed in my brain and rolled off my tongue more times than I can count. But it never helped. And, the thing is.... there were always people, when I looked around, who had it worse than me. Yes, I've had dear loved ones suffer immeasurably and pass on, and I've experienced different types of abuse. But, I am not alone in that. Not by a long shot.

Starting a gratitude practice helped me feel grateful for the wonderful moments in my life both big and small, and directed my focus to all the good I have around me, even when horrible things happen.

As I continued to purposefully bring to mind at least one thing every day I felt grateful for, it became easier and easier to notice all the good things around me. I felt luckier, more joyful, and simply content with what I had.


My Gratitude Tips:

  • Carve out at least one set time of the day (but morning AND night is better) to identify at least one thing you're grateful for.
  • Go out of your way to thank the people you are grateful for in your life. You never know how long they will be around.
  • Find ways to be grateful for the small annoying things in your life by looking at them from another perspective. For example, if I'm held up in traffic by an infuriatingly slow car in front, or red light after red light, I put my palms together and nod my head whilst giving thanks. Who knows, it may be the Universe's way of slowing me down so I avoid a possible accident.
  • Record your gratitude observations by writing them down in a journal, using an app on your phone, or keeping a list visible on your fridge or elsewhere.
  • When you feel a bit down, re-read your list, wherever it may be, and assure yourself life does have good things to offer.

I'm currently working on my newest free course, The Gratitude Antidote, and one other gorgeous surprise for you I think you'll love.

The Gratitude Antidote - coming soon to Circle of Daydreams. www.circleofdaydreams.com

SELF CARE IS A MUST:

Thanks to my battle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, as well as some traumatic relationships, I've learned the hard way I must put myself first in order to be the best I can be.

If I put myself first, then everyone in my life benefits. They get the version of me that's happier, healthier, and much nicer to be around. I get the version of me whose bones don't ache to distraction, whose mind functions clearly, who's able to go about daily duties with energy and passion, and who can enjoy life to the fullest.

I'm a better friend, teacher, partner and all 'round human being when I'm sticking to my self care routines and ideals.

My self care musts include being mindful of the foods I eat (I'm intolerant to quite a few), making sure I get enough sleep, and saying NO without feeling guilty when needed.

I also have a big focus on relaxing and finding peace from within.

I need to stretch and move regularly, and I'm lucky enough to be able to afford a regular fortnightly massage and monthly visit to my chiropractor to assist with my back issues (scoliosis and muscular).


My Self Care Tips:

  • Self care relates to your mind, your body, and your soul. You MUST attend to all 3 for the best results.
  • Devise a superb morning routine to set you up for a beautiful day. Morning additions might be writing in a gratitude journal beside a lit candle, exercise, meditation, drawing an oracle card or reading a favourite passage of text, deep breathing, singing, or anything to help empower and enliven you.
  • Devise a night time routine conducive to deep, restorative sleep. At the same time every night, stick to a pre bedtime pattern. A warm shower, a soothing mug of your favourite drink (nothing with caffeine in it), some relaxing music, journaling, reading for a designated period of time etc. Dimming the lights at night is helpful to begin the wind down to sleep. Rather than bright overhead lights, pools of mellow lamplight encourage the brain to slow down. Get off your screens too. Set a time after which no screens or text messages will be allowed, and stick to it.
  • Listen to your body and know when it reacts to something it doesn't like, whether that be food, or people, or something else. Follow your gut in these instances.
  • Let go of the things you cannot change. The Serenity Prayer is my go to resource for this. It has helped me immeasurably over the years. Say it over and over again like a mantra when you're stuck on something. The other mantra I use regularly is the one found in my post here. My wheel visualization has been a godsend at times.
  • Check out 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz. These have been my other saving grace during all manner of stressful times. When fear and doubts start to overtake my mind, I turn to The Agreements for support. If I'm following these (and I re-commit to them every day, no matter if I've failed the day before), then I feel I'm on the right path for me. I have a Four Agreements/detachment/letting go board on Pinterest if you're interested. You can find it here.

If I have my self care 'house' in order, then I'm best equipped to work on the next 2 circles in my diagram.


REACHING FOR THE REAL YOU:

This has been a journey of revelation and discovery over many years for me. Learning to trust my intuition, listen to my inner child, and acknowledge the 'real' me is okay, has taken a long time.

I'm still working on it day in and day out!

As a child and young adult, I adored all things creative and art related. I also loved to read, write and do math. As I got older, peer pressure made me feel studying in the area of design or the arts was 'not a suitable subject for someone with any brains'.

Somehow I ended up studying subjects I didn't really love for my final year of high school, and began a business degree in University.

I found it dry and soul killing, and deferred to figure myself out.

I then went into teaching as it seemed to offer glimpses of creativity and the chance to help children be creative. I still craved to do an Arts degree, but let myself be talked out of it by various people.... 'You'll never make a good living if you're an artist,' I was told over and over.

Even my decision to begin my teaching degree was belittled by one friend in particular. He said I was 'wasting my brains and talent' by doing the course. I should have been a lawyer or a doctor etc. I cried that night because I felt let down and humiliated that I couldn't seem to please everyone and find something to do with my life that was worthy in their eyes.

Looking back, I can't believe how naive I was, and how mean he was (I think teaching is a noble and admirable profession). If I'd felt better about myself, I'd have told him where to get off and trusted my own instincts. He also clearly didn't really know me at all, even though I considered him one of my closest friends.

I forgive the younger me for not loving herself enough to believe her choices were worthy and important. I forgive my younger self for not feeling I deserved to do the things that I was most passionate about.

No more!

It's taken time, but I know I'm worthy of whatever choices I make for me. I'm in charge of my own life, and no-one else has a mandate over my actions or opinions. As long as I hurt no others, my choices are mine to make simply because I wish to.

My daydreams, my passions, my inner child, my longings... they are all important keys to my core purpose in life. Figuring out who I am first and foremost means I craft a life for the 'true' me. I don't see much point in crafting a life moulded around a person that I'm not. In the end, I imagine that leading to a withering of the soul. All the joy being sucked out of life.

Now, when I daydream, or get passionate about something I sit up and take notice. I get conscious about whether or not I want to pursue new directions. I make decisions with intent based on the knowledge of who I really am, and what I want from my life.


My 'Reach For The Real You' Tips:

  • Get back to the things that bring you joy. Read this post from my YOU Matter series for ideas and a worksheet to help you get back to the things you love.
  • Acknowledge the things your gut is trying to tell you. What is it you have a gnawing desire to do? What would you love to try but haven't? Make some time, no matter how small to begin doing these things when you can.
  • If you want to get a jumpstart in the right direction, my Mini Jumpstart To YOU Experience was created specifically for this purpose. You can learn more, and get it for free over here.
  • Take an online personality test like the Myers Briggs (here's the official one, and a free one) or 16 Personality Types (I'm a member there) if you're interested in these types of things. Over the years I've always come out the same on the Myers Briggs (I've had to do it for work several times), and the first time I got my results, I felt like someone finally 'got' who I really was. I couldn't believe how close the summary description fitted the ways I felt and thought, and that other people were like me too!
  • There's also a great test for figuring out your best character strengths over here at the VIA Institute. I've done this one for work too, and the results it threw up confirmed my best personality assets! These are the areas I can rely on to help me pursue my dreams.
  • Plus, check out this post in my YOU Matter series to affirm what it is your special talents are and why you're worthy.
  • Make a decision about what you're going to do next, and commit to doing something about it, no matter how small. Then, see below for some inspiration!

IT'S TIME TO TAKE ACTION:

Often times I need to remind myself that just because I've made a decision about something, or I think I'm on the right track.... if I don't actually DO something to take action about it.... then it's probably just as bad as not being on the right track anyway!

This harks back to books like 'The Secret' that seem (I admit I haven't read the actual book) to propose that merely visualising a dream, or writing down a list of what you want to manifest, will magically cause it to appear as if some dream fairy swooped down and sprinkled instant gratification sparkle dust all over your life!

Critics of books like 'The Secret' suggest that of course none of your wishes/dreams will actually happen unless you take some type of forward motion or action towards what you want (other than just thinking about it of course!).

I have to say I agree whole-heartedly with them. Getting off your backside and actually DOING something walks all over just thinking or writing about it.

That being said, according to Dave Kohl, a professor at Virginia Tech in America, people who regularly write down their goals earn nine times as much over their lifetimes as people who don't. Yet, says Prof. Kohl, 80% of Americans don't write down their goals. Sixteen percent do have goals but don't write them down. Less than four percent do write them down, and fewer than one percent actually review them on an ongoing basis.

Imagine then, the small amount of people who actually write them down, review them.... and DO something about them. 

Why not be one of the minority? Honour yourself by not only thinking + visualising about your dreams, but by writing down your goals and then going after them like you mean it!


My 'How To Take Action' Tips:

  • Write down your goals in a journal or a separate notebook.
  • Make your goals smaller, actionable goals you can reach within a time frame that doesn't seem forever away. What can you do in the next few days, weeks, months, to achieve your goal?
  • Focus on a few select and specific goals. Writing down 10 goals, and giving yourself a year to reach them won't help much. Instead, pick 2 or 3, give yourself a much smaller timeline to achieve the first steps to reach each goal, and begin.
  • This is why New Year's resolutions fail so often... they're broad, and the timeline is too long. If they were broken down into much smaller goals with actionable steps over shorter time periods, they'd be much more likely to work.
  • For example, instead of 'I'm going to lose 10 kilos this year,' you're better to say 'I'm going to lose 2 kilos in the next 30 days,' and then list 5 steps you'll take to achieve this goal starting NOW.
  • Grab The Mini Jumpstart To YOU Experience. I created this short, free mini-course with the exact intent of coaching you to find out what you want your goal to be, and then giving you prompts and tools to help you achieve it. It comes with a downloadable guidebook for each of its 5 days, and lots of lovely printables.


What If I Don't Like 'Goals'?

Some people just don't 'do' goals! The more creative or free spirited can feel uninspired by the dryness of them.

Bleh!

Instead of 'goals', some people like to set 'intentions.' I think this is a wonderful way of focusing your mind on what you want to get from a set period of time... a day, a week.

I like to say I 'daydream with intent' as I often write something down and then purposefully daydream about it as though it's in motion already. I find this works really well, and is probably what most call visualisation!

For instance, I could write an intention like 'This week I intend to go to bed at 10.30 every night because I'm creating a good sleep routine'. Then, when I get a chance to 'day-dream' about it, I'd close my eyes, and let myself imagine what I'd be doing leading up to going to bed, how I'd feel about getting into my soft, comfy bed, and what it would be like to drift blissfully off to sleep! 

Or, 'This week I'm going to get out into Nature at least 3 times because I know I'm almost running on an empty tank and I need replenishing'. Then, 'daydream' about come splendid exploring or walking among trees and gardens.

Whichever way you approach it, writing down your goals/intentions, and dreaming/visualising about how it will look and feel when you action them, reaps rewards!


GIVING BACK:

This section of my '5 part cycle' helps me feel good about myself, and affirms I have much to offer as a human being.

But, most of all, it gives me another reason to implement all the previous parts of my diagram.

Helping others has to be one of the best goals we can aspire to. For me, there's no better reason to do what I do and be who I am.

I include in this all the ways we can contribute to making the world a better place, whether it's helping people, helping animals, or helping our planet in general.

My 5 part cycle is continually revolving, and I include all of its other sections daily. Each of these sections (gratitude, self care, reaching for the real me, and taking action) highlights how much I have to offer, or feeds my ability to do so.

The older I get, the more I feel like I live in a global society....

...the more I feel like there's invisible threads connecting me to so many others.

Giving back doesn't have to involve money, huge amounts of time, or a grand gesture.

There are many ways you can contribute to your community and make a difference.

There are also many things you may do unawares, that change someone's life for the better. If you're committed to The Four Agreements, as mentioned above, you may be giving huge amounts without realising it.

Just doing your best, in all that you do (Agreement number 4), may turn a life around.

I mention this link to Alexandra Franzen's site over here, but I want to drop it again. Please, please read it for a powerful, completely unexpected story about making a difference.


My Giving Back Tips:

  • Read this post in the YOU Matter series on my blog for more. The videos and examples are gorgeous (although you may need a few tissues handy).
  • Don't feel discouraged if you feel you have no money to give to charities, or enough time to volunteer. Do what you can with what you have. Encourage yourself to smile at 5 new people a day. Thank the people behind the shop counter. Compliment 2 people every day. You can give back by making others feel loved and worthy... this takes almost no time at all, only a conscious desire to add something to the lives of others.
  • Pay it forward. Do something nice for someone else because you know how nice it feels when someone does it for you!
  • If you identify a person you're thankful for during your daily gratitude practice, write that person a thank you note telling them why you're so thankful they're in your life.
  • Whatever you do, do it with gusto and passion. You never know who you may affect.

There you have it! The 5 specific areas I try to focus on daily and continually to create a life I truly love!

I hope you found some of these ideas useful.

If you'd like a printable version of all the quotes used here (and the 4 Agreements), you can get it by clicking here.

 Keep dreaming and doing, Daydreamer!

Linda. xox





Please share!






Daydream Deliveries + The Garden of Gratitude...


If you'd like a beautiful print, insights, and an encouraging nudge towards your dreams once a month (or so), take action and sign up for my Daydream Deliveries. Free access to The Garden of Gratitude is also yours as soon as you subscribe. It's a secret oasis with over 30 resources/printables that support the development of a successful gratitude practice.

CLICK HERE



Who and What Really Matters? [Monday Mojo & Magic]


'Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.'
(Buddha)

This Monday morning, I'm thinking about who and what really matters in my life....

Who and What Really Matters? Circle of Daydreams. www.circleofdaydreams.com

My Mum, who was just starting to feel a glimmer of her old self again after triple bypass heart surgery late last year, had a fall a few weeks ago.

She fractured several ribs and crushed a vertebrae in her back, and spent 3 weeks or so in hospital. She's just come home (literally 30 seconds around the corner from me) and is still shaky and frail. I love her so, and it sobers me to realize at 87 years of age, this woman who has always been so energetic and full of life for her age, is starting to really slow down and is in pain much of the time.

Then, earlier this week, a dear friend received the news that her own mother, the same age as my Mum, is suffering from a nasty form of cancer.

It's reminded me how short life is.

Yes, 87 years is a long time, but the years seem to fly more quickly the older I get, and time now seems measured in moments more than it ever has. If perchance I were blessed to live as long as my Mum has so far, it still means much more of my life has passed than I have left.

Of late, life has also seemed to grow exponentially stressful, overwhelming, and demanding.

Small things pile on top of bigger things, on top of even bigger things, and the load seems extreme.

Time for me to once again take stock.

Breathe.

Step back and consider from a calm perspective.

To let go of the people, activities and tasks making the important moments seemingly part of an ever muttering and mumbling crowd clamoring for my attention.

Time to re-focus on my gratitude practice, and prioritize the things, and more importantly the people, that add true meaning to my life.

I know if I don't care for myself first, then others in my life get a paler version of me, and I fail to give myself the compassion and kindness I deserve as much as anyone.

I want the best me to show up for the time I spend with my loved ones.

I want the best me to stand in the classroom when I'm teaching.

This Monday morning, may you return to what and who really matter (including yourself)...

... and may your mojo be with you, and your inner magic shine through once again.

Linda. xox

PS. I'm adding this blog post to Open Slather and Denyse Whelan's link up this cold and chilly Monday!

PPS. Also linking up with Micro Blog Mondays!




Please share!






Daydream Deliveries + The Garden of Gratitude...


If you'd like a beautiful print, insights, and an encouraging nudge towards your dreams once a month (or so), take action and sign up for my Daydream Deliveries. Free access to The Garden of Gratitude is also yours as soon as you subscribe. It's a secret oasis with over 30 resources/printables that support the development of a successful gratitude practice.

CLICK HERE